Supersized Africa

Lauren: You know what they need here is bats, to come and swoop down and eat all the bugs.
Beth: Yeah, but I don’t want to know what size bats come in Africa.

==

Shrimp Craving

Marjona: I thought they were going to say they didn’t have prawns and I was going to say, ‘uh ‘uh, you’re going to go to the sea and get them.’

==

Maybe they changed the name for Africa?

Mukada: I love that show, Pimp My Car.
Marjona: Uh, that’s Pimp my Ride.

==

Ah, The Website

Beth: I’m buried in formatting hell.

==

And We Thought Konyagi Was Bad

Marjona: That tastes like shit. No wonder it only costs a bottle for a dollar. I mean…

==

Resume Credentials: The Truth Comes Out

Marjona: I can lie. I’m an organizer.

==

Islamic Rules for Investment

Frank (Germany): Guns is okay. Anything that kills people is okay. Casinos, no. Alcohol, no. McDonalds, no, because they sell pork. But guns is okay.

==

Is there no P.C. in Germany?

Mukada (Tanzania): Konyagi is very good.
Frank (Germany): Never trust a Muslim talking about alcohol.

==

I mean, really, is there no P.C. in Germany?!?

Beth: In Egypt, the security screening seemed to go off at random. I could walk through with my sunglasses on and a laptop in my backpack and no one would stop me.
Frank (Germany): Well, white people don’t blow themselves up.

==

America’s Cultural Exports

Latifa (Tanzania/Germany): I want bling bling on my phone. I buy it, send it to America, get the bling bling, they send it back. Like Paris Hilton. She’s crazy. But I like her. I like her. She’s my favorite.

==

Thanks for the Geography Lesson

Austrian: In Alaska, which is part of America…

==

Weighing Our Options

Beth: One of two things is going to happen. No, one thing is going to happen…

==

Tanzanian Beach Bum

Omar (Tanzania): Me? When I go to the beach, I’m staying until the last shilling.

==

Tanzanian Politics

Mukada: You have to be lying in the campaign. That is honest.

==

Tanzanian Bureaucracy

Mukada: I had to give her corruption.
Marjona: Don’t say corruption, at least call it a bribe.

==

It Iss Finish

Waiter: Do you have a lighter? This one is sleeping.

==

A Touch of Home: Americans Invade Zanzibar

American Girl #1: I am, like, totally, like attached to this towel. It is, like, my security blanket.

**

American Girl #2: Are we moving, like, totally?

**

American Girl #3: I was in a sorority for four years. The one thing I know is fake tits.

**

Brunette American: Did you see that I put my shit in that chair, Marissa?
Marisa: Yah, dude, but you were in the water.
Brunette: Okay, but I’m, like, here now.

==

Warning: Hypochondriacs Should Not Read “A Comprehensive Guide To Wilderness and Travel Medicine”

Medical guide: Get to a medical facility as soon as possible if you experience any of the following:
1) The headache is the worst of your life and came on suddenly (aneurysm or intracranial bleeding)
2) You are unable to talk or express yourself clearly (stroke)
3) You have a fever, a stiff neck, or any rash (meningitis)
4) Your headache grows steadily over time (brain tumor)

==

Tanzanian Pick Up Lines, Part II

Lauren: I have a boyfriend.
African: Can I be your boyfriend in Zanzibar?
Lauren: Actually, we’re engaged.
African: But things are different when you’re in Africa. It’s ok.

Another African: Hakuna matata, let’s go.

Pablo text message: I have an advanced diploma in kissing. A degree in carring [sic]. A masters in loving. Do you have a job for me due to my qualifications above?

==

Beth Sings Like a Yankee

Steve (Canada): Are you shy? Or can you just not sing with your new accent?

==

Lost in Translation, Again

Water Bottle: An excellent product that money can buy.

==

Decisions, Decisions…

Lauren’s Mom: So are you permanently moving to Chiang Mai or Zanzibar?

==

Recipe for Success

Nelson (Tanzania): You can do it! All you need is ganja tea and coco leaves and you will make it to the top of Mt. Kiliminjaro.

==

The Belgian

Belgian: Is a zebra a donkey or a horse?
Pablo: A horse is a horse. A donkey is a donkey. A zebra is a zebra.

==

Okay, Sure

Marjona: I didn’t hurt myself, it just hurt.

==

The Elephant was Happy to See Us

Lauren: It’s like a third leg.
Beth: You mean a fifth leg?

==

Timewarp

Lauren: Do you want your walkman? Uh, discman? I mean your iPod?

==

Here Come the Touts

Beth: They have eggs this time. Uh oh, they just saw my white face. We should have tanned more in Zanzibar.

==

Swahili Putting A Strain on Beth’s English

Beth: I’m salivating a lot because I just moisturized myself. I mean, I just drank a lot of water.

==

Glad We Were Warned

Sign in Econolodge: Women with Immoral Turpitude Are Not Allowed On Hotel Premises.

==
Tanzanian Pickup Lines

Guy in bar: Come over here with my friends. Come join us. We’re gossiping about people.

==

Thank Jesus for Muslims

Lauren: The nice thing about going out with Muslims is that everyone is a designated driver.

==

Re: An Irish Pub

Saif (Tanzania): It was a really nice club, until the Irish took it.

==

Fizzy Fascism

Beth: Coke also owns that.
Kerri (Australia): What doesn’t Coke own?
Dave: (Australia): Pepsi.

==

Shower Lust

Olivia: You’re going to get back in August and spend six weeks in the bathroom.

==

A Haiku

Sam (Australia): I never used to Like it.
But then I started
Liking it. BeerLao.

==

FU!

Kerri (Australia): I was cursing a lot at home, and when I started traveling I tried to cut it out. Then I met you guys and you’ve gone and f*%#ed it all up.

==

Armed with Heinz

Beth: I think we could achieve world peace by our mutual enjoyment of french fries.

==

Rhett Butler’s Folly

Sam (Australia) and Beth: A way to a woman’s heart is through her liver.

==

What’s for Dinner?

Waiter: Everything we do not have.

==

Australianisms…. Can you crack the code?

He hasn’t gotten a shot off in a while.
She’s up on blocks.
Gotta go shake your lettuce leaf.

==

Dirty Laundry

Lauren: How are your cramps?
Beth: I can’t smell them, so that’s good.
Lauren: Excuse me?
Beth: Wait, did you just ask about my pants?

==

Into Thin Water

Beth: If this boat ride doesn’t end soon, I’m going to start killing other passengers and eating them.

==

Too Much Solitaire

Sam (Australia): Excuse me… Would you mind shuffling our cards for us?
Lauren: Um. Why?
Sam: Because we suck at it. We keep dealing the same hands… and you look like you know what you’re doing.
Kerri (Australia): Ya, do you work in a casino or something?

==

Lauren Discovers Solitaire

Lauren: I wonder who made up this game…
Marjona: Some lonely, lonely person.

==

Call Child Services

Marjona: I don’t know how PC it is, but kids understand pain. If they do something wrong they feel pain. Then they’ll know that if they do it again, they’ll feel pain.

==

TANZANIAN TOASTS: To new friends/To a successful traveling day/To Amarula/To March/To Konyagi/To Mr. Jones/To Mr. Barker/To Roulette/To Booking our Safari/Maisha Maref (Long Life in Swahili)/Prost (German)/To Genies/To Dar/To Zanzibar/To Chef’s Pride