For our second day in paradise, we decided to get a private boat to take us out snorkeling. Around 11am, we went to the boat dock to try to negotiate a place and a price. We were bombarded by touts, some telling us that one area was nice, others promising that the weather and tides were too bad to go to the same place.

Carlos, the guy who picked Kassie up from the airport the day before, spotted us. We trusted him, so we negotiated a $15/person private boat to take us out to a reef area that had a restaurant with a dock that we could lay out on.

As we walked to the boat, however, the sky started getting dark. By the time we got in the boat and started the 30 minute ride to the coral reef, the rain was coming down.

Within a few minutes, we were drenched in uncomfortably cold water and the rain started coming down even harder. Between the cold and the speed of the boat, the rain felt like shards of ice.

Lauren stopped the driver when it was really coming down, and after we looked into the distance and saw nothing but black clouds and sheets of rain. Lauren asked if the storm would clear up and he said that yes, it would pass. We tried to decide if we should just turn around, knowing it was highly unlikely we’d get any of our money back.

The driver said the rain would pass in 15 minutes, so we decided to go ahead. I pulled my hat down to protect my face, we put our cameras into the ice-less cooler to keep them dry, and we all huddled, trying to find our happy places.

When we arrived at the coral, the rain had slowed to a drizzle, and, trying to make the best of it, we all slipped off the boat to go snorkeling.

We saw some of the largest sea cucumbers ever. Lauren considered picking one up by I convinced her it wasn’t a good idea. (Don’t they sting?)

I spotted a familiar fish in the coral and called out to Lauren.

“Hey, you know that fish that Ellen plays on Finding Nemo?” I asked.

“Yeah…” she said, perplexed.

“There it is!” I pointed.

I spent most of my time, though, trying to get my face mask to stop leaking and to convince myself I wasn’t drowning.

Within an hour, we were tired and we had spotted some lightening, so we slipped back into the boat and our guy took us over to the restaurant.

As we pulled up, we realized that everyone in the restaurant was staring at us like we were crazy. We had been the only ones in the water, and it was pouring again.

We all wanted to go to the bathroom and change in to dry clothes, but the bathroom was outside — a good 50 foot walk in pouring rain from the restaurant. We realized there was no sense in changing: we’d be soaked through again by the time we ran back.

So we sat at the restaurant and tried to decide what we should order to justify sitting at the table, hoping the rain would go away. Lauren got some ceviche and a beer and Kassie experimented with some “Abuelo” Rum and coffee, but my stomach was still too fragile to eat.

After a couple of hours, we gave up waiting for the rain to stop. We went back to the boat and huddled down again for the half hour drive back through the pouring rain. Bocas was 0-2.

Lauren: After we cleaned up, we went an wandered around the island which was soggy and filled with puddles from all the rain. Beth and I embarked on the ever-pressing task of finding fabric for my quilt project, and spent a bunch of time meeting some of the local merchants in the process.

We wandered around a bit more, checking out the less backpacker-trodden paths and side streets and spotting the site of the up and coming sprawling resort hotel that was to be built in the coming months (which many had told us would turn this quaint and wholly undeveloped little island into a “Miami”).

In our wanderings, we happened upon a hip wooden bar oddly named “Bohmfalk’s” where a live band was starting up. We settled in and Beth blogged while we all tasted the Panamanian Beer… Panama. Kassie graciously sponsored our drinking, which Beth and I greatly appreciated. We listened to the band for a while, and then they stopped playing and came over to ask Kassie if she wouldn’t mind taking a few pictures of them with her fancy camera and then email the pics to them later on. Kassie was happy to oblige and jumped up to start their photo shoot.

Beth: We all decided to go out and find food, eventually settling on a great taco place that unfortunately had a beer pong game set up outside. A young Canadian kid was managing it for the week while the owner was on vacation, and he came over briefly to flirt with us, I think. (Lauren: If you call confessing that you haven’t read any books in the last few years flirting…) And then he decided to book it when he realized we were way too old for him (a first).

Lauren: Beth was still feeling unwell and we walked her home. Kassie and I set out for “one more drink.” Famous last words.

We went to a bar where the band had told us they’d be playing later that night. We got drinks and sat overlooking the water while listening to a list of American songs, including “More Than Words” that securely lodged itself in our brains for the next week. As we peered out over the water, we noticed a little party going on across the way at a place called “Agua,” and we decided to head down to the dock to hitch a ride over.

We jumped on the boat and sped on over to “Ladies Night”, our first of the trip, where we were given drinks for $0. Just because we’re “ladies”. We quarantined ourselves from the rest of the group, not wanting to be engaged by any of the traveling frat boys or dread-locked hippy backpackers, and watched as drunken girls threw themselves into the water in their jean skirts and boys did flips in their boxers into the shallow water around the bar.

Sadly, the party ended well before we had our fill of our $0 drinks, and we headed back to shore. Feeling quite awake from our adventure, we decided to head with the rowdy overflow from Aqua to the one bar in town that was still open, the V.I.P lounge, which turned out to be filled with Very Intolerable People who were sketching us out, so we headed back into town.

Kassie was hungry, so we stopped at a little taco truck where she munched on some odd midnight snacks (like hot dogs with no buns and some strange, cardboard-esque potato pancake) and I had another beer. As we were listening to a group of Brits volley “NY sucks” and “I like NY!” back and forth, a Swiss guy started talking to us, and we got some great thoughts on our next destination. Basically, he convinced us not to go to our next destination, the East Coast of Costa Rica.

Beth: The next day was do-or-die for Bocas. We had given up on the beaches because of the sand flies; and we weren’t spending any more money on long boat rides. So per Lauren and Kassie’s recommendation, we headed over to Aqua Bar where there was a dock for laying out (but no sand flies) and swimming, and the 2 minute boat ride was only $1.

When we arrived, the weather was perfect: the sun was out but it was slightly overcast, preventing it from being too hot. We found a couple of chairs and sat down to read our books.

Within minutes, though, one of the biggest American jerks we’ve ever met took up a seat beside us.

This man was drunk. It was 11 in the morning and he was more drunk than I think I’ve ever seen anyone at any hour. His speech was slurred and he started early in the conversation explaining that we wouldn’t have any trouble talking because he was:

“… speaking Spanish. I mean, American.”

Lauren asked him if he was on a bender since last night, and he responded:

“Last night? I’ve been here for three weeks!”

That explained everything.

I can’t remember everything he said, but it mostly involved asking us to take our shirts off, getting naked, and wag parts of our bodies around… I can’t get into any more details because my parents read this blog. Needless to say, it was pretty sexual and amazingly gross.

We tried our best to keep a sense of humor or just ignore him, knowing that reacting would only provoke him. Eventually he got bored, or needed another drink, and he left.

Then we noticed his friends were laughing at us.

“I think they’re putting him up to this,” Lauren speculated.

Within a few minutes, the guy was back, and so was his vulgar mouth. Lauren got the whole thing on tape this time, and this man will soon enjoy his YouTube preview. (And I really hope he has a job and a boss, because it’s definitely termination-worthy…)

Soon a very, very drunk woman friend of his came over and explained to us that he was harmless and we should just hit him (and then demonstrated, smacking him in the head).

Lauren ended up being right. His friends told us they had a bet going on how long it would take us to hit him. We told him we wouldn’t be hitting him and the joke was over, but neither he nor they would stop.

Lauren: When he came over and tried to take my hat, we started to really get tired of this charade. Kassie asked the folks to give it a rest and they fired back that we needed to relax. This really got Kassie going and she did her best to make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that we’d had enough. But they kept going.

Beth: I walked away to get some water, and one of the owners of the hotel asked me if he was bothering us.

“Yes,” I said. Apparently that’s all I had to say.

The man went over to the drunk guy and soon he was gone. His friends, however, didn’t go away. The drunk woman started screaming as us, swinging her head back and forth violently and informing us that we’re “not the king’s queens! BITCHES!!”

Lauren: This woman was really going crazy, and I so wanted to get it on camera for more YouTube fodder. Her head was seriously flying back and forth making her blond hair fling around in a Medusa like fashion as she spewed out a slew of curses at us. I was really cracking up, but I couldn’t bring myself to video her since I knew it would just send her into more of a frenzy.

Beth: We patiently waited them out, and they eventually left.

And finally, Bocas got better. We took turns taking dips in the water. Lauren got some exercise jumping on a huge water trampoline. And we all relaxed in the sun and read our books peacefully for the rest of the afternoon.

When the sun started going down, we headed back to our hotel and then out to dinner. Afterwards, we tried out another “Ladies’ Night” at a bar that had free vodka drinks all night long.

We got there and ordered some pineapple drinks, which ended up being disgusting. Lauren and I poured ours out and then got cranberry-vodka drinks, which were also too gross to drink. We took a look around and realized that we really couldn’t handle the teenage crowd, so we called it an early night.

The next morning we got on the ferry out of Bocas and caught a bus to Costa Rica, toward the Pacific Coast.