Lost in Translation

Subtitle of Photo: There is calm. For the time being, nothing forecasts one should throw oneself head first into a hole.

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The Axis of Evil

Lauren: We say we’re Canadian.
Sam (U.K.): We say we from Ireland.
Amir (Israel): We say we’re Arabs.

Sam (U.K.): We’re the Axis of Evil.

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More Shining American Moments

Unnamed American: We didn’t exterminate the Indians.  Well, okay.  But we just cleared the path.  We just killed the ones that got in the way.

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Well…

Beth: The blog makes me sound mean and stupid.

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Shining Nerdy Moments

Beth (holding up the Star Trek “Live Long and Prosper” sign): Scouts honor!

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Regarding 50 Hour Bus Rides

Beth: I haven’t been this stationary for this long since I was an infant.

Beth: I feel like there is a milimeter of plaque on my teeth.

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It´s Been a Month

Lauren: The novelty of coldness has worn off.

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Not Ready To Go Back To Work

Lauren: I am exhausted. There was a lot of thinking today.  How did we ever do this at home — thinking all day?

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The To Do´s of Travel

Beth: Alright, I’m plucking my eyebrows tomorrow. That’s going on the to do list.

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SWF Seeks Solitude

Beth: Why are there always people around?
Lauren: Because we’re in a hostel.

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Not Exactly How the Saying Goes

Tomorrow we have to get up and bust a nut.

I’m putting my nose down.

You’re a pain in the butt head.

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It Doesn´t Make Sense in Spanish Either

Beth: That’s not going in the quote book, is there?
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Did We Mention Bariloche is Cute?

Beth: That restaurant is cute.  Everything here is cute.  I don’t know how one town can support so much cuteness.

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It´s Like McDonald´s Special Sauce

Beth: I think Argentinians need to admit they have a Salsa Golf problem.

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Yes, God Bless the Swiss

Beth: There is a Swiss colony here.  That explains all the chocolate and cheese.  (Pause.)  God bless the Swiss.

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Like Olivia Benson…

Beth: All the cops I’ve seen here are women.  I like that.  I think only women should carry guns.

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Regarding Argentinian Taxi Drivers

Shosha: I like to stop when I see brake lights.  That’s what my  mother taught me.

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A Much Needed Travel Guide

Taylor and Shosha: We need to do an American guide to Lonely Planet.  How to see the world, cheap and easy, for people who have no money and no energy.

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Side Effects

Shosha: Birth control takes my sex drive away and makes me a bitch so no one wants to have sex with me anyway.

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HBO Gone Wrong

Beth: Wants you’ve seen someone on Real Sex who’s your ex, it’s not funny anymore.

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Did They Not I.D.?

Taylor: I went to Jack Daniel’s brewery when I was a kid…

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A Wino´s Philosophy

Lauren: The world is a kinder place when have a little bit of a buzz going.

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The Next Wave

Beth: I think any American woman who says she’s not a feminist should be shipped to India in a tight t-shirt.

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More Shining American Moments

Wine-tasting America: If you sit and think about it, it’s not hard.  But you also have to sit and think about it.

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That Explains It

Taylor: What’s cantoring?
Beth: Well, it’s not galloping; it’s cantoring…

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The Guilty Party

Beth: It took Pat Robertson 24 hour to blame gays and lesbians for 9/11.
Shosha: Well, I think that connection was actually pretty clear, Beth.

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Spanish Still Beyond Reach

Lauren, trying to communicate a leak in the roof to a hotel manager during a rain storm: (English translation) There is water from the sky!

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Logic Games

Lauren: 2002… I didn´t even know you then.
Beth: I didn´t know you either.

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Temporarily Losing the Quotes Page

Beth: Ok, can we put this in perspective? It´s a quotes page. The cats didn´t die.

**

Lauren: So you said once something is on the internet, its never gone?
Beth: Yes.
Lauren: So, who stores it? Doesn´t the government keep copies of everything? Oh, but we have quotes up about how evil George Bush is!
Beth: That probably makes it more likely that they have a copy.
Lauren: Oh, ya! Do you know anyone in the government?
Beth: Lauren, the government does not have a copy of the quotes page. Get a grip.

**

Lauren: Yuck, I hate ¨Million Dollar Baby.¨ So depressing. Do you think you´d want to go on after becoming a quadriplegic? I don´t know if I would.

Pause.

Lauren: Ok, I guess that puts this in perspective.

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The Best High-Five (no, seriously)

Taylor: Put it on the quotes page! Spread the wealth! The world needs to know about the best high five. The secret is to look at the elbow…

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A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

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I.Q.uitoes

Beth: They´re not very bright. I have to say the mosquitoes in Africa were much smarter.

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Argentinian Substance Abuse

Beth: I´m going to have a beef hangover tomorrow.

**

Taylor: I think the typical obese American would be very happy with this meal.

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Substance Abuse

Lauren: So you don´t smoke at all?
Anonymous: No, but I sort of want to get back into it.

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I Need the Cliff Notes

Beth: There´s a lot of extraneous information in the world.

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A New Strategy

Shosha: If you really want to strike fear into the hearts of Americans, bomb a Wal-Mart.

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Petite-Size Fashion

Beth: Is that a skirt? Oh my Lord, that´s a belt!

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Activist Fashion

Beth: I can´t buy NIKEs. Someone might see me in them.

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They Got Their Masters

Shosha: It´s like Radiohead was sociology before and now they´re political science.

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It Ain´t a Ford

Taylor: If you can´t close the door to the car without it breaking, then make better cars!

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It Ain´t NY

Shosha: They don´t have a Chinatown here. It´s more like a China Street. China Two-Blocks.

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It´s Pat!

Beth: That man is having a liter of beer on his own and his friend slash wife slash daughter… no wait… Son. His son isn´t having any.

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Hilary, Barack, John

Bon: We´re not going to know until the three of them have a debate together. Until we see them face to face… To face.

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Oh, Those Calories

Randi: I´m going to have to lay off the blue cheese.
Beth: I´m going to have to lay off the food.

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Struggling with English

Lauren: There´s a colony of leprosy people in LA…

**

Beth: I´m an American, I believe in double Spaniards.

**

Beth: That´s not the exact silence of making coffee.

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Lost

Lauren: Clearly, this doesn´t look like our neighborhood.
Beth: I wouldn´t know. I haven´t been her for 3 million years…
(Pause)
Lauren: Ya, when I was here as a teradactil, things looked a lot different.
Tiff: Talk about gentrification!

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Do we call it ¨Eeeeeennnnnn-Y-U, Darling¨ Now?

Randi: NYU is the new Harvard. It´s the new and improved Harvard.

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Shocks

Beth: I electrocuted myself really bad in the US, and it really hurt for an hour.
Lauren: WHAT!?!
Beth: But it was only up to my elbow!

**

Beth: It´s really grateful that the electricity in the US is only 120 volts.

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Argentine Slime

Lauren: That guy was seriously creepy.
Randi: Which one? We´ve met several thousand creepy men today.

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Bugs

Lauren: I think I´m getting sick.
Tiff: Ya, I can smell it. I mean, hear it.

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Re: J-Date

Randi: After a while, you begin to feel like you´re on a job interview.

**

Randi: I told you I don´t date Republicans. What part of that made you think we could go on a date if you voted for Bush two times?

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Jewel Expert

Lauren: What type of stone is that?
Tiff: Blue.

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Randi Hearts Beth

Randi: You´re like a walking encyclopedia! I need a walking encyclopedia with a penis…

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We´re Not Talking About Laws Anymore

Anonymous Traveler: Well, Beth can tell you all about marajuana but I can tell you about WEED.

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More Shining American Moments

Beth: Size 6 is the sample size, so it´s like, awesome.

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Wrackin´ Up the Quotes

Lauren: How many women have you hooked up with?
Anonymous: Only two! No, three. Four.

**

(One day later…)
Anonymous: Oh, wait. Six.
Randi: What is this, the Florida elections? ¨I forgot about that hanging chad…¨ or chadette.

**

Lauren: Playing spin the bottle is bi curious. (CENSORED) is not.

**

Anonymous: Fine! I´ll admit that I´m bisexual. I just don´t think it needs to go up on a webpage.

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More OCD Moments

Randi: I can´t believe that Lauren is STILL writing down quotes at 4am!

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Hey, We Have Standards Here

Tiff: Put that in your quote book!
Lauren: … But it´s not funny.

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Some peace and…

Tiffany: I´m not speaking anymore.
Beth: That´s a sad, sad tragedy.
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Increasingly Worrisome Cannabalistic Commentary

Beth: My hands smell like blue cheese. I want to eat them.

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ARGENTINA CHEERS

To light snacks/To learning Spanish/To Screech/To sunsets and maybe eradicating men/To the best pour we´ve ever seen/To floods/To proving Lonely Planet wrong/To bands playing shitty American music/To brutes/To FanChopp/To Jager/To Jager Girls/To kissing whoever you want of either sex/To Donna Ray/To tracksuits and minivans/To Tango/To friends, wine, good food and vacations/To Saltitos/To Red Hot Chili Peppers/ To the axis of evil/To date night/To getting free champaigne/The the end of the world/To Beagle Beer/To staying in/To finishing the Dark Tower/To us making it to Mendoza/To vinegary wine/To 8 peso wine/To 2 and a half years/To Jerry Falwell kicking the bucket/To everybody stopping looking at me/To free shit